Pushing past seeing negative

As I sit once again with a heavy heart,
I feel weighed down by my problems.
I am enclosed in a self imposed cage,
Created by the negative forces present.

Behind the insecurities and depression,
I know things of beauty and joy exist.
The good requires effort and searching,
I won't find any positivity by accident.

In order to see the true picture of life,
I must be willing to search and dig deep.
There is more than seen at first glance,
Like an iceberg floating in the ocean.

The tip is the obvious aspects of life,
Which at times appear to be negative.
Below the surface is a hidden beauty,
Covered up by the blight of darkness.

Life is more than my problems and I,
A multitude of others live in my society.
We all claim a common address here,
As human members of the planet Earth.

To retain humility and a sense of reality,
I must be in touch with good and evil.
Both reside within and outside of me,
The world is like a ying yang symbol.

I just want relief from the sadness,
Caused by my problems and issues.
Hopefully changing my prospective,
Can help rescue me from my prison.

Fighting Through Life

Much has been altered,
Yet I am much the same.
Searching and yearning,
For something better.

My life can be better,
I am capable of more.
Much has changed here,
Yet didn't change enough.

I feel stuck spinning around,
Like on an endless cycle.
I can't get the motion to stop,
I still want more for myself.

I am not done striving for me,
No giving up without a fight.
Life may be fighting me like Ali,
But I will keep punching back.

Falling Into the Rabbit Hole

Everyday is another set of tasks for me to complete,
As I lose my motivation to wake up in the morning.
As I slay the deranged demons hanging over my shoulder,
More barriers, challenges, and criticisms appear.

Time is passing me by at an ever increasing speed,
it's beyond my control to slow down or stop time.
Despite having so many goals and ambitions,
I can feel individuals and situations crushing me.

I am putting up a fight and am shouting, screaming,
But I cannot stop the resistance and judgement.
Some things are beyond my control and reach,
However, I can manage my actions and reactions.

I am not a victim or a helpless child in this fight,
As I slave away to have a life worth living for.
I am worth living for and have much good in my life,
And despite its difficulties life always has something great.

Living Through Rejection

I keep falling down to my knees,
and I keep getting right back up.
Yet the rejections keep coming.

I try to deal with disappointment.
I try to have faith that I will make it.
Yet I keep falling down and failing.

No matter how hard I work at life,
No matter what I do with my life,
Nothing is changing for the better.

College did not change my life.
Working hard did not change my life.
I still have the same job I had before.

I keep having faith that I will succeed,
I keep applying to jobs and praying to God,
Yet I am still stuck in the same spot.

My life is remaining unchanged.
My life feels hopeless and worthless.
Yet I keep telling myself to keep going.

I will climb out of the hole in the ground.
I will succeed and be something more.
I need to do more than this with my life.

An Overdue, Brief Update...

While I am currently experiencing a bit of writer's block, I have decided to simply write anyway. I have a lot on my mind lately and my life is in the process of undergoing some major changes. Some of them involve me and others involve family and friends who are going through significant changes. Apparently the way things were was not good enough, it had to change. I just want to be happy and feel free to write again with a positive attitude. I need to find a way to be happy and feel positive again. Sigh...

PLEASE COMMENT and tell me some topics you would like me to write about. That would help a lot! Thanks readers for sticking by me during this difficult time.

Some Things That Make Me Happy

I know I have been talking about a lot of sad topics lately and I am sorry to sound like such a negative and depressed person. I really am not simply a body filled with gloom and doom. Going to write about a happier topic today. I will call it things that are making me happy in my life. We already know some about what is making me sad, so going to talk about the good things, since life is filled with good and bad things. Here is my list of things that make me happy:

* School, even though it sometimes stresses me out.
* Work, most of the time my job is decent.
* My husband, he listens to what I have to say at my worst. I can barely even do that for myself.
* My fitness pals, you know who you are. I would not be half as motivated to be the best that I can be without all of you.
* My few close friends that I have, I know I often push myself away but I do care about all of you.
* My family, you all drive me insane sometimes but I love you all anyways.
* God, my faith in a higher power sometimes helps me through the hard things in life. Without God, I would never be able to see any of the good hidden underneath the bad and sad things in my life.
* Being able to write, it allows me an outlet that I need in my life. Being a fairly introverted person, I am reluctant to share my thoughts with many people in my life.
* Regular exercise, especially running. Helps me keep some of the depression away as does writing. Hope it keeps working, I never want to be on antidepressants again.

That is the major stuff that keep me going throughout the tumultuous, busy storm that is my life. Despite feeling like I am talking to a brick wall sometimes, I keep plugging away and writing here in hopes that someone enjoys what I have to say. This writing I am doing is therapeutic for me these days. Thank you all for reading and I look forward to keeping up this frequent posting that I am doing. Feels great to write more frequently and to cultivate my writing abilities.