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I had a coup...I enjoyed learning more about you! <br /><br />I had a couple of best friends over the years, but they just didn't last. Sometimes I miss that close bond with another woman a lot.<br /><br />I don't have many "in real life" friends, but I do consider you a friend of mine. :-) <br /><br />I wish you well in your marriage and in all aspects of your life.Leah: Not Otherwise Specifiedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00592428048419117998noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7237121702317482803.post-28977574129348443572012-07-22T18:54:04.579-04:002012-07-22T18:54:04.579-04:00(((hugs)))
Change is almost always hard, even pos...(((hugs)))<br /><br />Change is almost always hard, even postitive change. Negative change, or uneccessary change... I still don't know how to deal with those things myself.<br /><br />:-( Hang in there! People keep telling me that life will be good again some day, "different, but good" and I'm holding on to that.Leah: Not Otherwise Specifiedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00592428048419117998noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7237121702317482803.post-45059619960027506502012-05-03T00:32:42.215-04:002012-05-03T00:32:42.215-04:00Once again, I am in awe at your poetry. You truly...Once again, I am in awe at your poetry. You truly have a gift!<br /><br />I can really relate to this. I am very introverted and yet still somehow talkative. It's a strange combination!Leah: Not Otherwise Specifiedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00592428048419117998noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7237121702317482803.post-44647693884377107642012-04-28T12:36:32.682-04:002012-04-28T12:36:32.682-04:00Thanks for your comment and I agree. Now that my m...Thanks for your comment and I agree. Now that my mind is in normal/daytime mode, I can think better and I would say I would still keep parts of me to myself with extended family, my immediate family to a smaller degree and work. Just want to be more honest in places like church where I feel like I am someone fake sometimes just to protect myself. That is a place I should be able to be honest, but I am not. Luckily I am only there on Sunday mornings now.<br /><br />I was kindly reminded by my husband that I already am my real self mostly with my friends now, but that took a long time for me to do. Thanks for the good feedback, made me think also.Rachaelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14748436803065942668noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7237121702317482803.post-39309659385621824762012-04-28T01:55:04.521-04:002012-04-28T01:55:04.521-04:00Ooooh, I love it! Very real.
And I hide a lot ab...Ooooh, I love it! Very real.<br /><br />And I hide a lot about myself from my extended family, and some things (like my bi-sexuality) from my parents. <br /><br />For me, it's okay to hide my religious and political beliefs from the older guys (my grandparents who are in their late 80's are probably better off not knowing these things) but I don't intentially keep them from others.<br /><br />My sexuality never comes up, because I'm in a relationship with a man (which made things a lot easier, telling wise). <br /><br />Everyone pretty much knows that I'm not a practicing Catholic anymore, and that I'm a liberal. But they don't know anything specifically about my beliefs, and I'm fine with that.<br /><br />Great poem, it really has made me think.Leah: Not Otherwise Specifiedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00592428048419117998noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7237121702317482803.post-22720496787230219612012-04-25T11:43:08.537-04:002012-04-25T11:43:08.537-04:00Temporary hibernation. That's my guess. I try ...Temporary hibernation. That's my guess. I try to imagine 'filing' my thoughts away so I can sleep. Issues to be dealt with later.dys·func·tionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05461778495707177569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7237121702317482803.post-91886736505485787482012-04-17T20:50:22.720-04:002012-04-17T20:50:22.720-04:00My mother developed eating disorders that really a...My mother developed eating disorders that really affected me as a child. I struggle with low self esteem, but for the most part I stay the hell away from a scale. It seemed to drive her nuts.<br />With my kids, and to keep myself healthy, we try and limit the junk food and provide healthy, well-rounded, and non-processed meals.<br />I guess I figure if I eat well, and still dip into junk food to help with my emotions (haven't moved beyond that yet) but on a minimal level, I'll be good.<br />Only time will tell, but I'm comfortable with my approach.<br /><br />I love your writing to pieces, I really do. I've started another blog...more of a mommy blog...that isn't anonymous. If you're interested, then I'd like to email you the new address. (Leave no trail and all that hahaha) I feel like you're a really honest and true person and I'd love to share it with you. On the same note, if you're not interested then I won't be offended.<br />Keep up with writing about your life, the more often you tell your story, the more you own it and the less it owns you.<br />A secret is only powerful if someone thinks they can hold it against you. If you own it, the secret loses its' power.dys·func·tionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05461778495707177569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7237121702317482803.post-8523097099511445132012-04-17T16:31:39.301-04:002012-04-17T16:31:39.301-04:00Agreed, I probably would have never stopped my pra...Agreed, I probably would have never stopped my practices either if they had told me that I could gain a lot of weight. I pretty much have the same eating disorder. Just was never formally told what it was for sure, just that I had issues with food. Keep in mind I was also seeing this psych for depression and for overcoming trauma I had gone through as a child and a teenager, so not all of my therapy focused on food. That was only a piece of the big picture. My relationship with food as well as the scale and my weight is still far from perfect, I think I have made that clear. I accept that while it can get better over time, I will always be fighting this.Rachaelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14748436803065942668noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7237121702317482803.post-25596948254385266582012-04-17T16:09:30.645-04:002012-04-17T16:09:30.645-04:00I think that they are VERY smart for not telling t...I think that they are VERY smart for not telling the ED patients about the big possibility of rapid weight gain. I know that if I had known that risk (gained LOTS as soon as I was recovered from anorexia/EDNOS), I may have never recovered. So it sucks, but it's a good thing that they didn't tell me! <br /><br />It's crazy how long I've been recovered from anorexia/EDNOS and yet I still have a bad relationship with food, the scale, and body acceptance. I do feel as if I'm finally at a point in life where I will leave these feelings behind me soon, and my relationship with all of the above has gotten much healthier lately.<br /><br />Thanks for sharing, it's so nice to hear stories like mine!Leah: Not Otherwise Specifiedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00592428048419117998noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7237121702317482803.post-83722244075731981142012-04-11T12:56:39.567-04:002012-04-11T12:56:39.567-04:00Food can be for me also, I still identify as an em...Food can be for me also, I still identify as an emotional eater. I just work on it and try to keep the binges to a minimum. That will be discussed more in the last part of this series of posts. It was really hard for me to share about these things, but I know it is good for continuing my recovery from both of these practices and for showing others that we all have our struggles in this world. <br /><br />As far as the sexuality goes, I actually sit closer to the homosexual end. Bisexuality is a wide range and is different for different individuals who are this way. I just happened to get married to one of the only men that I have ever truly loved that way. Just happened to work out that way.Rachaelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14748436803065942668noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7237121702317482803.post-39689133116466478272012-04-11T12:12:18.820-04:002012-04-11T12:12:18.820-04:00Bravo for your honesty.
I binge(d) like a fiend s...Bravo for your honesty.<br /><br />I binge(d) like a fiend some days. Food really is a huge comfort to me, and some days I'll hate how I look (especially in high school) while other days I'll think I look grand.<br /><br />Vending machine lunches and little else were also common for me in high school.<br /><br />I look forward to your post on sexuality. Recently having coffee with a friend from highschool we discussed how difficult sexuality was back then. Near the end of grade 12 I identified as bisexual but could never grow a pair large enough to date a woman. My friend has pretty much the same story, female to female attraction, but with such opposing stigma, and with both of us leaning slightly more to the male attraction side of our bisexual spectrums, neither one of us dated a girl.<br />Shame really.dys·func·tionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05461778495707177569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7237121702317482803.post-73964397193243544412012-04-11T11:12:06.273-04:002012-04-11T11:12:06.273-04:00I agree, sometimes sharing from a place of caring ...I agree, sometimes sharing from a place of caring and honesty can help someone else to feel less alone in the world. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts with me and the readers.Rachaelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14748436803065942668noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7237121702317482803.post-64885733685205646772012-04-11T11:00:13.406-04:002012-04-11T11:00:13.406-04:00Thanks for being open and sharing your story - I s...Thanks for being open and sharing your story - I so believe people are helped by knowing they're not alone and gaining perspective that sometimes only comes from seeing things externalized to their own experience.culturebollockshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15087597230166009949noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7237121702317482803.post-35942775346182250292012-04-05T15:30:35.142-04:002012-04-05T15:30:35.142-04:00Thanks Leah, this is one of the hardest posts I ha...Thanks Leah, this is one of the hardest posts I have ever written so far. Deep down I know I have to let it out somewhere at some point. Been thinking about writing on this for a really long time and now seemed like a good time.<br /><br />Some of these things I have talked about very little up until now. The next post will probably be even harder to write though since high school was when this was at its worse on the starvation end. Glad we are both better now and that there was a happy ending. Not everyone is as lucky as we are.Rachaelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14748436803065942668noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7237121702317482803.post-1648475783328968292012-04-05T15:23:26.985-04:002012-04-05T15:23:26.985-04:00Thanks for sharing! I know it's not an easy t...Thanks for sharing! I know it's not an easy thing to talk about. As you know, I have a very simular history, though my undereating didn't start until I was almost 19.<br />Eating disorders suck, and sometimes it's embarassing to admit to have had one, but it's so important to let people know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel! You are doing so great. :-)Leah: Not Otherwise Specifiedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00592428048419117998noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7237121702317482803.post-17194325339690594932012-04-03T10:08:55.696-04:002012-04-03T10:08:55.696-04:00I can definitely sympathize with a lot of this. I&...I can definitely sympathize with a lot of this. I've also been trying to force myself to write something...anything to post and hopefully the quality will improve.<br /><br />I hope things are managable for you and that at the end of it all you're left with a massive sense of satisfaction.dys·func·tionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05461778495707177569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7237121702317482803.post-82393814555710515092012-03-28T20:38:51.564-04:002012-03-28T20:38:51.564-04:00Thanks, I hope so too. So far, that has been a big...Thanks, I hope so too. So far, that has been a big fail. I am working on seeing that I have done what I can and he has chosen to not do anything about his problem.Rachaelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14748436803065942668noreply@blogger.com