Fighting Through Life

Much has been altered,
Yet I am much the same.
Searching and yearning,
For something better.

My life can be better,
I am capable of more.
Much has changed here,
Yet didn't change enough.

I feel stuck spinning around,
Like on an endless cycle.
I can't get the motion to stop,
I still want more for myself.

I am not done striving for me,
No giving up without a fight.
Life may be fighting me like Ali,
But I will keep punching back.

Succeed as Yourself

Fight for the things that you believe in.
Don't let life's hardships beat you down.
You are not a failure until you give up.
Work hard and fight for your dreams.

Good things in life come with a price tag.
Pay the price for all that matters to you.
Some things that are worth the high cost.
Never settle for being average or normal.

Normalcy is overrated and for the sheep.
Be true to and celebrate your unique self.
Strive to be who you want to be always.
Don't listen to the naysayers and criticizers.

You will be unhappy living for someone else.
Not everyone is meant to be the same person.
We are all unique like the snowflakes falling.
Love who you are and be proud of your beliefs.

Inside the Dark Curtain

Anxiety and isolation drape over me,
Like a heavy curtain over a window.
So dark and suffocating inside here,
That I can barely take a deep breath.

My senses are closed off from this;
I cannot see what others are doing.
I am so consumed by my own self,
That I cannot hear the cries of others.

All I can think about is getting away,
Escaping to a peaceful place alone.
This stress is eating me for breakfast,
Like a large, starved, ravenous beast.

Something needs to change now,
I feel frozen and stuck in my mind.
I am socially shy and incompetent,
Despite my often talkative nature.

I want to be extroverted in crowds,
But I am not and often run from them.
Anxiety and stress rule over my life,
I wish to stop this crippling cycle.

One day I will be in a social situation,
Without fear of rejection and ridicule.
One day I will just openly communicate,
Without someone pushing me to do so.

Can I Come Out Now As the Real Me?

As life takes a turn into the darkness,
Solitary living is no longer a comfort.
While you feel imprisoned in yourself,
You wish someone could rescue you.

You wish that everything would end,
That worries would resolve themselves.
The pressure to handle everything right,
That intense feeling is almost too much.

Trapped tears remain behind my eyes,
Secrets stay safe in the back of my mind.
The pressure to please others is immense,
I yet to learn to not care what they think.

I want to be myself and not have "selves",
But cannot let go of their earned approval.
Actual me contains parts many would hate,
I accept them yet am fearing their rejection.

I am not the person they expect me to be,
I am not straight, conservative, and perky.
Instead I am a realist, free spirited, bisexual,
And not as religious as some would think.

I am ready to let my true self out in my life,
But am fearing rejection and hate from family.
I am fearing being kicked out of certain things,
I fear my life being ruined by my truthfulness.

However, I am no longer comfortable living,
With secrets and my many assumed persona's.
I feel I am old enough to live as my true self,
But am I ready to surrender and face my critics?

One Woman's Troubling Thoughts

Downtown in the brain of a young woman,
Lives many thoughts like people in the city.
Some of these thoughts come and go quickly,
Others thoughts linger longer than they should.

While the quick moving ideas are often good,
Many of the slower thoughts are not so great.
These thoughts cycle like laundry in a washer,
Without a set time for the thinking cycle to end.

Slowly a thought or two takes over her brain,
She dwells and ponders over these thoughts.
Then the thoughts consume her entire being,
They rob her of her precious sleep and sanity.

They take over as if they are living beings,
As parasites she cannot control or get rid of.
She tries watching TV and talking to others,
And she even tries studying to quiet her brain.

Nothing works until she finally is able to sleep,
and passes out from her own mental exhaustion.
The question remains, are those thoughts gone,
Or do they stay there and temporarily hibernate?

Back to School and Back to My Usual Reality

As an effort to keep my "writing hand" flowing I am attempting to keep posting more frequently, despite the fact that as of today I am a full time student and a full time employee for the first time in my life. To attempt to obtain senior status, I am taking several courses this term. One of them is not fully online, which all of mine have been for a few years now. I will need to attend campus for one week for this class and the rest is done online. Took a look at the syllabuses for my classes and nearly screamed. I hope I can handle the added work and pressure. I figured out that I will need to spend a lot of time studying which is normal, but more so than usual.

Moments like today's are the times that I wish I was still single; I wonder how on earth I am going to have any time for my husband. I also wonder how I am going to celebrate my birthday, go to a bachelorette party, be in a wedding as a bridesmaid, attend another wedding, and many other things that are coming up in my life. I feel overwhelmed by my life now and hope I can push through these courses without wrecking my GPA, well being, or finances. Ironically one of my courses is on finance. I have drawn up an intense schedule so that I can still get some sleep, study enough for classes, and take care of my house and myself.

Stay tuned, I will do my best to keep posting every few days. I also aim to not let my perfectionism give me writer's block. Often I write pieces and can't get them to my high standards, so I delete them. I would have at least twice as many posts by now if I had never done that. I hope all is well with my readers and if there are any topics of modern life that you are interested in, then please comment or send me your topic ideas for future posts.

I can be reached here as well as via email at punkedpoetess84@gmail.com, on the Facebook page, or on twitter as punkedpoetess. Thank you all for reading and for following this blog.