Living Through Rejection

I keep falling down to my knees,
and I keep getting right back up.
Yet the rejections keep coming.

I try to deal with disappointment.
I try to have faith that I will make it.
Yet I keep falling down and failing.

No matter how hard I work at life,
No matter what I do with my life,
Nothing is changing for the better.

College did not change my life.
Working hard did not change my life.
I still have the same job I had before.

I keep having faith that I will succeed,
I keep applying to jobs and praying to God,
Yet I am still stuck in the same spot.

My life is remaining unchanged.
My life feels hopeless and worthless.
Yet I keep telling myself to keep going.

I will climb out of the hole in the ground.
I will succeed and be something more.
I need to do more than this with my life.

Resolutions

Every year people say all kinds of resolutions around this time of year. Most of the time, people follow them for a few days or a few weeks and then forget all about them. I also do resolutions, but I always write mine down and put them as magazine pictures, words, and drawings on poster board. Then I hang it up in my bedroom to look at all year long, so that I don't forget them. I also call it goals and aspirations instead of resolutions, makes more sense to me. Here were my goals for last year:

* Eat healthier (achieved)
* Read 52 books (not achieved, but I did read more)
* Run my first 5K (achieved on 9/10/11, my time was 28:41)
* Maintain a high GPA (achieved)
* Reach 100 credits earned (achieved, now at 111)
* Get more sleep (majorly failed this one)

For the most part I was happy with what I did, here is what I hope to do this year:

* Continue my healthier lifestyle
* Get 7-8 hours a sleep each night (Until about a week ago I averaged around 6, sometimes less. Now getting 7-8 hours and feeling much better. Also drinking less coffee and diet soda.)
* Maintain my high GPA and reach senior status (I attend a quarter system university, so 130 credits is senior status and 180 is what I need to graduate. Currently at 111 credits)
* Run more 5K's and attempt one longer race in the fall (10K or 1/2 marathon). (Starting training for 2nd 5K this week).
* Work on marriage and see what is working and what isn't working (we get along like best friends, but have had a few "bedroom" issues in recent months that need some work.)
* Stop taking my family's problems personally, they usually have nothing to do with me and aren't my fault.

I think that about wraps it up for me. Pretty happy with where things are for the most part. Just continuously working on myself and my situations to make things even better and to make myself into an even better person. Change must come from within and we only have control over ourselves and our reactions to situations and circumstances.

My Trip Into Another Life

Down into the darkness from the light I go,
As the painted sunset disappears from the sky.
It's not quite dark yet, but also not quite light.

Somewhere in between is where I dwell now,
Daylight can no longer be chased by me today.
Now the noctural are awaking from their lairs.

I feel unsettled here in the dusky skied forest,
As the creatures of the night start their day.
I wish to escape, but curosity keeps me here.

I see a female creature with skin like snow.
Her lips look like they are painted with blood.
She appears eerily beautiful and dangerous.

I am afraid, yet I cannot get my legs to move,
Too deep in the forest and the snow to leave.
She comes closer and closer to my mortal body.

Swiftly she moves, as if she is a train or a plane;
She is faster than I can ever be on my two feet.
Quickly she comes to a halt right in front of me.

I feel my life in danger in front of this dark girl,
Little did I know that I was about to be reborn.
The transition into my second life was that night.

As she touched my long, thin, unblemished neck,
And she began to sink her teeth into the right side.
She made her distinct mark and took some blood.

No wonder her lips were crimson even in the night,
She was a vampire and she had come to feed tonight.
I soon fainted from the blood loss and she stopped.

Hours, maybe days later I woke up in a strange house,
One that looked like a dark version of the victorian era.
I saw in the mirror that I now had the same pale skin.

I knew I was no longer the same as I was immediately;
My life was changed forever by that one moonlit walk.
I was now like the fair maiden in the night I discovered.

I was a vampire too and for some reason I was chosen,
Rather than just fed on like so many she bit in the night.
Thankful to be alive I started my life with my maker.

Ending The Addiction Cycle

I just want something to numb the pain,
Yet I don’t want to be addicted again.
So tired of my past hurting me randomly,
Just when I believe I am healed and well.

Someone save me from my inner disease,
Save me from my own messed up mind.
My memories and emotions are troubling,
I need to let them go and move on again.

This time I would like to end the cycle,
This circle of moving on and going back.
I want to stop the inner crying in my head,
I want to stop the tears from leaking out.

I am done feeling sad about my past,
So done feeling guilty and regretful about life.
Time for me to move on ahead into the future,
See what good things I can do in my life.

I need to look at the positives in life,
For the sake of my sanity and well being.
I am done being a victim of my past,
I am ready to live in a better tomorrow.

I can conquer this vicious beast and be free,
I no longer need to cry about what is done.
Now is all about what there is left to do,
And how to do those things without an addiction.

I can conquer this if I trust and reach out to others,
Finally I can admit that I cannot change by myself.
Only a higher power and the help of others will work,
I have tried changing on my own and have failed.

However I can still change with some outside help,
I can be someone to be proud of in my future.
My past does not have to define me forever,
My present and future can redefine who I am.

I am ready to be someone else for the rest of my life,
I am ready to become my true self without apologies.
I surrender my old “happy” self I put up for others,
Today I am a new person and I finally am who I am.

New Year Changes

This year I plan to be less distressed
This year I plan to be less worried
This year I plan to be myself always
This year I plan to live without regrets

I aim to be all I can be
I aim to be more outspoken
I aim to be honest to all
I aim to keep growing up

I resolve to be more healthy
I resolve to be much happier
I resolve to speak up for me
I resolve to love myself more

I will be a better person
I will be a stronger being
I will be myself unabridged
I will be living without fear

My life will be my own responsibility
My life will be a better place to be
My life is one I will live in each day
My life today is in my own hands

Today these changes begin
Today I can control what I do
Today I can be what I want to be
Today is the start of my life.

My Personal Quote For 2009

This is my year of change, I can either embrace the changes or try to run away from those changes. I am choosing embrace the changes around me and within me and to grow from those changes.