Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Updates About My Life

Here is a growing list of reasons I have not been blogging much:

1. I was taking a very hard class that finished last week (I am a part time student that will be going full time in the fall so that I can finish my BS degree in Business Administration in March of 2013). I also work full time.
2. I am dealing with a number of bad events with my family as well as my husband's family, I will detail these below so I can let these worries of mine out somewhere.
2A. My mother in law is in the final stages of lupus and has to get risky surgery to remove clots in her legs in the coming weeks.
2B. My mother is remarrying for the third time by later on this year to a guy I have only met once. He barely spoke to me and also my mother has only been divorced since last March and got engaged on Christmas Eve. While I want my mother to be happy, I feel conflicted about this guy and hope he doesn't take my mother away from me and my biological brother as well as my two step siblings from her second marriage. I don't hear from her often anymore and don't have a strong relationship with my mom. The poem I wrote about my mother here not too long ago spells out a lot of why this relationship is weak at this point. I also will be getting a nine year old stepsister from this new marriage whom I have never met.
2C. My older step-brother was recently diagnosted with HIV, possibly full blown AIDS and isn't doing so well. I found out a few days ago from my stepdad that his medicine is having negative side effects on him. He has been in the hospital at least twice since Christmastime for Pnemonia and I am concerned that I will lose the one person who somewhat understands me in my family. I hope he can get meds that help him live longer and in less pain soon. I am considering doing the AIDS walk in town in honor of him this year.
2D. A few months ago I had a miscarriage and that has made me evaluate what I am meant to do right now and what actually matters to me.

I know this is confusing and probably whiny sounding. I just needed to get this out somewhere since I am going crazy lately and have major writer's block when I try to write here. I hope to get that outlet open again and write more soon even if my writing is different from what it has been. Thank you all for following this blog and understanding why I have not been here. I hope to allow myself to post more freely now and to be here now and then.


dys·func·tion said...

Taking a look at the veritable 'shit-storm' that is your life makes me feel bad about recently bitching about mine.

Take all the time you need to deal with all of these things, and although I am sure everything is weighing heavily on you, I hope that you take some time for yourself to grieve for your miscarriage. I hope that the people in your life can support you in every way that you need.

Although we've never met, I would like to open my arms to invite you in for a hug. Be strong.

Rae said...

Dys.func.tion, thanks for reading and replying to this mess of things I vented off here. I have grieved some about the miscarriage as has my husband. Thanks for the virtual hug and life still has good things in it for me, they are just harder to find right now among this mess of things.

Honestly, don't worry about venting off about your life or apologize for it. We all have our own shit to deal with and honestly, I can relate to some of the things you wrote about in your blog recently (particularly the post about cigarettes). I also am a non-smoker at this point, but smoked on and off from the age of 15 to 24).

Sending a virtual hug back to you and off to read more of your recent posts. I actually feel my writer's block lifting now that I let these things out. Hoping to put another post out before this week ends for everyone that isn't this kind of a rant.