Friday, January 14, 2011

My Mother

One day an explosive attack happened to me on the phone.
This one harmed me with its harsh words and screams.
Her selfish statements cut me like a knife to my chest.
I couldn't believe my own mother had said these things.

She was supposed to love my brother and I endlessly,
Yet all she ever thinks about now is herself and her wants.
She used to be our mother and she cared deeply about us.
Now she only talks to us to criticize us and put us down.

She gives "advice" in between the hurtful words she says,
While living a reckless, impulsive life full of terrible choices.

I used to look up to her for working hard at her simple life,
For not abandoning me and my brother as small children.
While our sperm donor father vanished into the dark night,
She stayed and took care of us as our responsible mother.

Now I have mom acting as a teenager with a full time job,
Dating and marrying, then divorcing to marry a man again.
Her emotions unpredictable and often filled with livid rage.
Her concerns dictated by her unpredictable, unstable moods.

I feel mentally abandoned by my mom and can't talk to her,
My life puzzles her and she acts judgemental towards me.
I try to accept her life without judgement over her choices.
Yet I don't get "motherly" love and affection in return.

Others in my life are proud of me and support my actions,
Yet she snubs me, when she matters the most to me.
I feel like she has given up on me and my brother's lives.
She has decided in her mind she is done being my mother.

I have grown up, but I still need my mom for some things.
A mom and dad's job is never completely done in my eyes.
Yet she has moved on and barely talks to me or my brother.

I guess it is time to say goodbye to the mother I thought I had.
I loved her more than anyone else I ever knew on this earth.
I hope the mom who raised my brother and I isn't gone forever.
I loved that mom and I still love my mom. We still need her.


Leah said...

WOW. Very well-written.

dys·func·tion said...

What an amazing post! I can't agree with you more. There are certain things that we need our parents to do and/or partake in for the rest of our lives.
They are selfish when they 'finish' being parents.
Thank you for being strong enough to share this story.