Imprisoned in the Mind by the Past

You ponder various things in your mind each night.
You dwell on the same negative thoughts of yesterday,
Like laundry cycling in the washer and then in the dryer.
Eventually these repetitious thoughts overtake your mind.

No longer can you see or hear anything else around you.
Your own thoughts and feelings have created your prison,
Which lock you into your own personal, petite cell in hell.
The physical world now ceases to exist and has vanished.

All you can see is a pessimistic place from your memories,
One where others hurt you and cause never ending pain.
A dismal, dark place where you are a helpless victim.
Violation of your body is mercilessly forced upon you.

No one can save you and hope of running away has passed.
There is nowhere to escape to without being dragged back.
This is bigger than anything that you can fight off or run from.
Every struggle you put up, another mark is beaten onto your body.

Your memories from your dark past is strong and rules you.

All you are to them is a pretty, youthful body to abuse and use.
Your dyed blond hair, pale skin, and rail thin physique attract them.
You hate them and want to see them hurt as much as you do.

You tried to tell others and have them suffer for their deeds,
But all the ears in the walls went deaf and he was found innocent.
Justice will never come for the one that stole your innocence.
They will never payback to you what you lost from their abuse.

All you can do is somehow break out of the prison in your mind.
Find a way to leave your memories behind and live in the present.
This pain is not in the here and now and is no longer happening.
Somehow you escaped this abuse alive despite the odds of living.

The nearly dilapidated, duplex apartment with the dingy decor,
That squeaky, hard twin bed is no longer reality or in your present life.
You no longer are there in an unsafe place and can leave this behind.
This is now in your mind and your abuser is not in your life anymore.

So much is better in the now where you live with two cats and others,
You are no longer alone, abused, or powerless in your life.
Now as an adult you are able to shape your destiny and live your life
Live in the present and stop wasting your time dwelling in the past.

Inside the Dark Curtain

Anxiety and isolation drape over me,
Like a heavy curtain over a window.
So dark and suffocating inside here,
That I can barely take a deep breath.

My senses are closed off from this;
I cannot see what others are doing.
I am so consumed by my own self,
That I cannot hear the cries of others.

All I can think about is getting away,
Escaping to a peaceful place alone.
This stress is eating me for breakfast,
Like a large, starved, ravenous beast.

Something needs to change now,
I feel frozen and stuck in my mind.
I am socially shy and incompetent,
Despite my often talkative nature.

I want to be extroverted in crowds,
But I am not and often run from them.
Anxiety and stress rule over my life,
I wish to stop this crippling cycle.

One day I will be in a social situation,
Without fear of rejection and ridicule.
One day I will just openly communicate,
Without someone pushing me to do so.

Why I Must Say Goodbye to You

Friend, I really care about you and your wellbeing.
What you are doing to yourself worries me sick.
I have nightmares foretelling of your fatal fate.

I am grieving you and you are not even dead.
Your disturbing words and careless actions worry me.
Addictions are overtaking you and your life.

I miss the carefree times we used to share together.
The days before alcohol became your best friend.
We used to laugh and hang out without any drama.

You were the one person I could count on to be there.
The one person that accepted me for who I was.
This change in you leaves a burning hole inside of me.

You are no longer a reliable or trustworthy person.
You steal and lie to others without genuine remorse.
An empty "I'm sorry" will not solve everything.


I need you to change and be the person you can be.
So many talents and gifts are hidden in your mind.
Your afflictions and addictions are covering your worth.

I cannot be around you while you act so negatively.
Your destructive path is eating away at my mental state.
Until you get out of this pattern I need to let you go.

Goodbye, I love you very much and always have.
I hope I am not saying goodbye for all eternity.
I would like to see you again before you pass away.

Killing the Negative and Throwing it Away Into the Graveyard



As I look into the dark, I can see my fears giving me evil death stares.

The "I can't do this" and "I am a loser" attitudes run rampant here.

I can see my failures waving at me and telling me to join them.

According to them I am worthless and should quit trying.

I tell them and all these fears to shut it up and leave me.

I throw them into their graves in the darkness below.

I cast them away from the light I have found here.

My present successes are not going away.

I am not going to let evil control me.

I will acheive my goals this time.

Nobody is going to stop me.

I am leaving the darkness.

Embracing the light.

Becoming me.

Only me.

Getting Out of Here

As I look from the inside of my prison,
I see a big, scary world outside.
While I feel limited by where I am,
I feel safe and comforable here.

I long for the outside and its freedom,
But am afraid of the uncertainty.
I want to see how far I can push myself,
But I am afraid of being a failure.

Despite these fears, I need to break out,
I need to set myself free from this.
I need to at least try to overcome my fears,
Better to try than to keep saying what if!

I will break out of my own personal hell,
I can make it out of this place.
I am strong and full of womanly power,
My fears are not a helpful force.

Today, I am conquering every fear I have,
I will leave behind my worries.
Today I start living as myself without fear,
I am no longer afraid of the cost.

Living as a free, daring, and honest woman,
Is worth the price of judgement.
For the first time I am ready to face everyone;
No matter what they say to me!

A Self Written Truth About Comfort Zones - Another Non-Poetic Post

“Being self imprisoned by your own self-imposed limitations is not a healthy or happy way to live.”

I wrote this quote to some online friends to describe how my own "comfort zones" are limiting what I do rather than making my life better. Living in my own prison causes me to live in fear of ridicule and does not allow me to be myself when around many people.

I think it is time to me to start redefining my level of "comfort" and to break out of my own prison. Going to focus on that over the foreseeable future in my writing here and in my life.

A Familar Reflection

She is looking in the mirror
And sees something familar.
She sees a face staring back
And wishes she was happy.

Her body is obviously healthy
Fit and wonderfully made;
You can tell she works hard
And cares about many things.

Her mind is always thinking.
She is always pondering,
Wondering how to improve,
Upon what she already does.

Her face shows these thoughts,
Thoughts of others and worries,
That completely consume her mind,
and leave her wondering why.

Why she is not happy with herself.
Why she always wants to do more.
Why she worries for nothing.
She wonders aimlessly without a home.

Her mind is like her own prison,
One that is never truly free,
Never free to be herself
or to have her own thoughts.


She knows that needs to change,
But fear holds her back from this.
The judgement of others rules her,
questions and comments matter.


While she is a working adult,
She still obeys others like a child.
She allows others to matter too much,
She gives her own self no attention.


Now she decides to change,
Since the depression is too great.
That reflection in the mirror,
Is going to be more accurate.


Her insides will be her true self,
Just like her outsides already are.
She is good, right, and beautiful,
And she finally knows that she is okay.

Been Away From Here

Away like the deadbeat Dad I have been,
Without a care to those who are here.
I snuck away in the night unnoticed,
While others were sound asleep.

I tried to start over as someone better,
However my baggage followed me.
My problems are still with me today,
As much as I have changed since then.

I guess the saying is an absolute truth,
"You can't run away from your problems".
They followed me here and I want to run,
Run away from those things once again.

I miss the good things I ran from last time,
I am going back to those things I loved.
This proves I cannot run to escape my pain,
I must stay and fight like a strong warrior.

I am going back to where I used to be,
Going to face those I used to be around.
Time for me to act as a responsible adult,
And face everything around me like I should.