Imprisoned in the Mind by the Past

You ponder various things in your mind each night.
You dwell on the same negative thoughts of yesterday,
Like laundry cycling in the washer and then in the dryer.
Eventually these repetitious thoughts overtake your mind.

No longer can you see or hear anything else around you.
Your own thoughts and feelings have created your prison,
Which lock you into your own personal, petite cell in hell.
The physical world now ceases to exist and has vanished.

All you can see is a pessimistic place from your memories,
One where others hurt you and cause never ending pain.
A dismal, dark place where you are a helpless victim.
Violation of your body is mercilessly forced upon you.

No one can save you and hope of running away has passed.
There is nowhere to escape to without being dragged back.
This is bigger than anything that you can fight off or run from.
Every struggle you put up, another mark is beaten onto your body.

Your memories from your dark past is strong and rules you.

All you are to them is a pretty, youthful body to abuse and use.
Your dyed blond hair, pale skin, and rail thin physique attract them.
You hate them and want to see them hurt as much as you do.

You tried to tell others and have them suffer for their deeds,
But all the ears in the walls went deaf and he was found innocent.
Justice will never come for the one that stole your innocence.
They will never payback to you what you lost from their abuse.

All you can do is somehow break out of the prison in your mind.
Find a way to leave your memories behind and live in the present.
This pain is not in the here and now and is no longer happening.
Somehow you escaped this abuse alive despite the odds of living.

The nearly dilapidated, duplex apartment with the dingy decor,
That squeaky, hard twin bed is no longer reality or in your present life.
You no longer are there in an unsafe place and can leave this behind.
This is now in your mind and your abuser is not in your life anymore.

So much is better in the now where you live with two cats and others,
You are no longer alone, abused, or powerless in your life.
Now as an adult you are able to shape your destiny and live your life
Live in the present and stop wasting your time dwelling in the past.

A Letter to My So Called Former "Friend"

Dear Person Who Perpetually Took Advantage of Me,

I am not going to let you win and beat me down. You think you can take me over and rule over me like an overbearing parent. This is where you are wrong. Don't mistake a nice person for a doormat. I am not going to let you wipe your filth on me and make me feel worthless. Your crazy antics are not bringing me down and I am using my time away from you to better myself. I always thought you were helping me, but really you were hurting me.

I let your manipulative actions cloud my mind and I lost control of myself and forgot who I was. Your growing web of lies was covering my judgement and turning it into a fog. Once I was able to untangle myself from you and stop being your prey, I started to see what a pathological liar you really are. I believe you will be exposed for what you are and who you really are as time passes by. You will get pay back for the lies you told about the person you called "my best friend"! I don't need to enact revenge, I fully believe God and the universe itself will take care of that for me. What comes around, goes around so watch your deceitful back! Don't let the door hit your behind on the way out of my life, you have hurt me more than you would ever know or care to know! Goodbye and good riddance to you. I am better off without you in my life and am over letting you walk all over me.

Rae Jeannine