Here is a growing list of reasons I have not been blogging much:
1. I was taking a very hard class that finished last week (I am a part time student that will be going full time in the fall so that I can finish my BS degree in Business Administration in March of 2013). I also work full time.
2. I am dealing with a number of bad events with my family as well as my husband's family, I will detail these below so I can let these worries of mine out somewhere.
2A. My mother in law is in the final stages of lupus and has to get risky surgery to remove clots in her legs in the coming weeks.
2B. My mother is remarrying for the third time by later on this year to a guy I have only met once. He barely spoke to me and also my mother has only been divorced since last March and got engaged on Christmas Eve. While I want my mother to be happy, I feel conflicted about this guy and hope he doesn't take my mother away from me and my biological brother as well as my two step siblings from her second marriage. I don't hear from her often anymore and don't have a strong relationship with my mom. The poem I wrote about my mother here not too long ago spells out a lot of why this relationship is weak at this point. I also will be getting a nine year old stepsister from this new marriage whom I have never met.
2C. My older step-brother was recently diagnosted with HIV, possibly full blown AIDS and isn't doing so well. I found out a few days ago from my stepdad that his medicine is having negative side effects on him. He has been in the hospital at least twice since Christmastime for Pnemonia and I am concerned that I will lose the one person who somewhat understands me in my family. I hope he can get meds that help him live longer and in less pain soon. I am considering doing the AIDS walk in town in honor of him this year.
2D. A few months ago I had a miscarriage and that has made me evaluate what I am meant to do right now and what actually matters to me.
I know this is confusing and probably whiny sounding. I just needed to get this out somewhere since I am going crazy lately and have major writer's block when I try to write here. I hope to get that outlet open again and write more soon even if my writing is different from what it has been. Thank you all for following this blog and understanding why I have not been here. I hope to allow myself to post more freely now and to be here now and then.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
A Few Rambling Quotes From an Outsider
*WARNING, THIS MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME, SORRY IF I OFFENDED ANYONE. JUST GETTING THESE THOUGHTS OFF MY MIND!*
"If you think I am crazy, then bring on the straight jacket and the padded room." - Responding to those who think, say, or imply that I am crazy or insane.
"The world is full of crazy cryptic crap!" - Referring to the downfalls of society.
"Being like everyone else is for the brainwashed, brainless drones in our society." - Referring to MTV.
"MTV is all about conformists that drink and have sex on a constant basis. MTV is no longer Music Television" - My reason why I no longer like MTV.
" Why reason with the world when we cannot change their actions." - My response to people who think they can change other people.
"Changing ourselves must come from within." - My reply to friends when they ask how to change their lives.
"Keep your friends close by so that you can keep a close eye on your enemies." - What I try to do in order to keep myself safe and happy with my life.
"Happiness cannot not be bought at a store. Happiness comes from people around you, circumstances, and God." - My response to materialist people who think buying things will make their lives better.
"Materialism is fueled by the media which is the ultimate deceiver of truth". - My opinion on the media and materialism.
"The media and its antics are enough to drive anyone crazy" - My response to the media.
"If you think I am crazy, then bring on the straight jacket and the padded room." - Responding to those who think, say, or imply that I am crazy or insane.
"The world is full of crazy cryptic crap!" - Referring to the downfalls of society.
"Being like everyone else is for the brainwashed, brainless drones in our society." - Referring to MTV.
"MTV is all about conformists that drink and have sex on a constant basis. MTV is no longer Music Television" - My reason why I no longer like MTV.
" Why reason with the world when we cannot change their actions." - My response to people who think they can change other people.
"Changing ourselves must come from within." - My reply to friends when they ask how to change their lives.
"Keep your friends close by so that you can keep a close eye on your enemies." - What I try to do in order to keep myself safe and happy with my life.
"Happiness cannot not be bought at a store. Happiness comes from people around you, circumstances, and God." - My response to materialist people who think buying things will make their lives better.
"Materialism is fueled by the media which is the ultimate deceiver of truth". - My opinion on the media and materialism.
"The media and its antics are enough to drive anyone crazy" - My response to the media.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Secret Beauty
There was once a girl who had an unusual appearance.
She had long, wavy hair as dark as a moonless night.
Her eyes were glowing green and held a big mystery.
There was a secret that this beautiful girl was hiding.
While she appears to strangers as someone ordinary,
Inside she was harboring a story filled with sorrow.
With this story was painful memories she tried to hide.
Ones that shaped her being right down to her soul.
She was secretly troubled and was hiding her demons.
Those very things she stashed away were seeping out.
Coming out without her own permission or consent.
This was as much a part of her as the things she said.
Now everyone was able to see her and all her flaws.
She was not as perfect as she appeared to be in public.
She was a flawed, sinful being just like the rest of them.
Out the surprising secrets came like a break in the dam.
This news about her surprised those surrounding her.
After the shock wore off they saw she was no better.
She was full of catastrophic mistakes just like them.
She was not so perfect and put together after all.
Despite her massive flaws, she was not shunned.
Stones and evil insults did not get thrown at her.
They did something she never expected them to do.
They all stopped to listen and got to know her better.
She had long, wavy hair as dark as a moonless night.
Her eyes were glowing green and held a big mystery.
There was a secret that this beautiful girl was hiding.
While she appears to strangers as someone ordinary,
Inside she was harboring a story filled with sorrow.
With this story was painful memories she tried to hide.
Ones that shaped her being right down to her soul.
She was secretly troubled and was hiding her demons.
Those very things she stashed away were seeping out.
Coming out without her own permission or consent.
This was as much a part of her as the things she said.
Now everyone was able to see her and all her flaws.
She was not as perfect as she appeared to be in public.
She was a flawed, sinful being just like the rest of them.
Out the surprising secrets came like a break in the dam.
This news about her surprised those surrounding her.
After the shock wore off they saw she was no better.
She was full of catastrophic mistakes just like them.
She was not so perfect and put together after all.
Despite her massive flaws, she was not shunned.
Stones and evil insults did not get thrown at her.
They did something she never expected them to do.
They all stopped to listen and got to know her better.
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