Looking Back at 2013

One of my New Year's Traditions is to look back on the past year, see what goals I achieved and set my goals for the New Year.

2013 was a year of many changes as I had predicted it would be. Some of the changes were expected, but many of them were a total surprise. I will go more into detail about this as I review this past year's goals and achievements (I prefer the more concrete words goal and aspiration over the overused word resolution, I usually also make a vision board showcasing these aspirations for the coming year around New Years and write them down to post somewhere that I can see them everyday.

2013 Achievements:

1. I graduated Cum Laude (with honors) with my Bachelors of Science in Business Administration on September 7, 2013. 
2. I walked at the 2013 graduation on June 15, 2013. That was one of the best days of my life so far. Took me almost exactly ten years since graduating high school to achieve my goal of obtaining a college degree. To do so with honors was a bonus.
3. Celebrated my 5 year Wedding Anniversary on September 20, 2013. Given everything I am shocked that I stuck it out and did the work to stay married up until this point. I am happy most of the time that I have done so, but marriage is hard work and my marriage something I have to work at a lot of the time. With a family history of divorce and dysfunctional relationships as well as my own relationship history, I have at times had a hard time understanding how to have a happy, healthy marriage and what that even looks like. Glad to know now that mine is mostly good.
4. Have kept myself mostly healthy and am roughly the same weight as this time last year (give of take 5 or less pounds, which is fine with me) despite facing some new health issues and having to change the way I eat this year.
5. My job is stable, but a lot of restaffing changes happened this year. Despite the numerous staffing and management changes as well as our online schools' pending merger with the university, I have managed to have a good annual review and am excelling with work. Despite my stresses with work and work taking up more of my time this past summer and fall, I have come out on top. I even was awarded a presidential award from the University for my work on the RN-BSN team for the online program.

2013 Challenges:

1. Found out March 18, 2013 that I have Celiac disease after struggling with digestive and bathroom issues, increased itchiness,  mysterious rashes on my back and neck, joint pain and aches, and brain fog. I went to a completely gluten free diet since then and feel much better most of the time now both physically and mentally. I still have some bathroom issues if I don't eat enough fiber, so I track my fiber carefully now. Otherwise I am much better.
2. My husband went back to school to get his teaching certification in March of 2013. He is slated to finish his certification in December of 2014. To accelerate this process, he quit his full time job in October 2014 after we were able to find him two education based part time jobs and now an adjunct teaching an intro class at a local community college (he starts this in January 2014, finally he is using his masters degree).
3. As a result of #2, money has gotten tighter, but so far we are doing okay financially despite all of this. That has taken carefully planning of money usage, cutting way back on eating out, shopping smart at the grocery store, and cutting expenses where we can.
4. I started applying for a new job using my bachelors degree in June (my preference being with the University or working at another University) and so far have had one interview and no offers. I currently have four applications in with the University and a possible fifth if I decide to apply for a position at the Sacramento, CA campus. I have a week to decide whether to apply for that one or not.

This post was longer than I expected, so I will post separately about looking ahead to 2014 and my goals for 2014. I have come a long way this year and a lot has changed, but I think that 2014 is going to be another year of change. I hope this coming year will be mostly good changes.

I Can't Help You Unless You Want Help

I see your fragile, small body in front of me,
Beaten down, wrecked, and attacked.
Drugs, sickness, and time have drained you;
I am not sure how much more you can take.

I worry daily about your safety and well being,
I don't want you to die at such a young age.
I am not much younger than you are right now,
And I know that I am not ready to pass away.

I keep trying to save you from your demons,
But I know that I cannot save you from this.
Unless you want to escape your addictions,
You will never get better or obtain your dreams.

There are many hidden talents locked in you,
Deep inside you have skills I can only dream of.
I wish you would use them and not abuse them,
You are wasting what has been given to you.

 It is not too late for you to overcome your vices,
Not too late to turn your life into something great.
You don't have to be the helpless victim anymore,
We are now adults that control our own destiny.

I want you to be able to see what I see in you,
You are someone special to me, an old friend.
You are one of my greatest allies that I have,
I am not ready to let go of what can be for you.

I will never quit fighting for you as long as you live,
Despite these mistakes your life's has not concluded.
Please seek help with dealing with your vicious vices,
I have had to go seek help in my own darkest hours.

Your getting help is not a sign of weakness to me,
Doing this is the ultimate sign of power and strength.
While I cannot force you to get the help you need,
I can support you while you do this for yourself.

I just want you to know that I will always love you,
No matter what happens you are still my friend.
While I am pleading for you to get clean and sober,
I can't help you unless you want to change your life.

My Name is Deadly Disease

I slowly sneak inside of you under the radar.
I tresspass past your body's best defenses.
I seem as harmless as the common cold at first.

However, I am a dangerous and painful being.
Slowly I will seep in and take over your body.
I sneak into you undetected in the beginning.

One by one, each organ gets a taste of me.
As I take over your entire mind and body.
Then I start to strike you from your insides.

You fight back, but I refuse to surrender.
I fight with you like we are in a world war.
This is me versus you and I am going to win.

I will make you bedridden in the hospital bed,
So that I can fight without you moving around.
My goal is to kill and destroy like a hurricane.

I don't care if you are loved by friends and family.
I don't care if you are not ready for your death.
Doesn't matter if you are a newborn or an adult.

No matter what, I will conquer and win you over.
I will take your life and throw you into your grave.
I need you and I cannot live without your body.

I use you as my food until your strength is gone.
I say goodbye to you when you pass away.
Then I go on and destroy those I know I can kill.